On Change.

Change is an interesting thing.

When I was in elementary school, wide eyed and thinking that I was ready to face the world on my own, I used to imagine what I would be like now. Clear face, perfect grades, popular, cheerleader, tall, skinny, football player boyfriend; it was all so perfect in my head. I wanted to be the "it girl"; the one that everyone would see and say, "I want to be just like her." When I grew up I was going to be a veterinarian from UC Berkeley, and then be a millionaire. Most importantly, I would have a best selling YA book by the time I was eighteen so I wouldn't have to worry about college tuition.

When I was in middle school, my dream changed. I wanted to be part of the hipster/scene crowd, the one that everyone wanted to be, but wouldn't dare say so. I was always trying to figure out how I could be edgy and reach that amount of cool that everyone else was too "afraid" to reach for. I wanted the perfect boyfriend that was a "scene" kid(you know, the ones with the eyeliner and skinny jeans). I wanted to be perfect. I was going to grow up and move down to LA and become an actor and then be a millionaire. Most importantly, I would have a best selling YA novel by the time I was eighteen so I wouldn't have to worry about money.

Now my dream has changed. I don't want to be a part of a crowd, and I would never want to be someone everyone wanted to be. Role models irk me. I have a boyfriend but he's not perfect and either is our relationship. And honestly, I don't want to be a millionaire. I want to be able to live my life. I want to live on the East Coast. My two dream jobs would be a columnist for a magazine with a job as a dance critic on the side or a literary agent before becoming an editor. Yeah, I have a book. I have more than one finished book actually. But I realize that I probably wont have them published by time I'm eighteen, and I'm happy with that. After writing for so long, I've realized that it's not about the fame. For me, writing is about being able to share a piece of yourself with others. It's about inviting them into your world. And if they don't like it? Well, that's life. Isn't it? We aren't going to like every person we meet.

I try to not focus on the change as much as I do on the continuities now. Throughout my life, I've only had a few thing that stayed the same my entire life. Those are my love for writing fiction, my ability at math and my glass mickey mouse cup from 2000. I don't want to do the impossible anymore when I can find the impossible in every day life. Maybe that's just me growing up. Maybe it's my writer-ness talking. Does it really matter? Change is an interesting thing. But what doesn't change is what you can depend on :)

Valentines Day

I usually hate Valentines day and I probably will hate this one too. But I do LOVE love. So here are some quotes and little facts about this loving holiday.

1.Young girls in the United States and the United Kingdom believed that they could tell the type of man they would marry based on the type of bird they first saw on Valentine's Day. A blackbird means a clergyman, a robin redbeast means a sailor, while a goldfinch indicates that they would marry a rich man. A sparrow means a farmer, a blue bird a happy man, a crossbill an argumentative man, and a dove a good man. Seeing a woodpecker is said to mean that they would not marry at all.
2. In the Middle Ages young men and women drew the names from a bowl to see who would be their Valentine. They would wear this name pinned on their sleeves for one week. This was done so that it becomes easy for other people to know your true feelings. This was known as "to wear your heart on your sleeve."
 3.  "I love you" in German is "Ich liebe dich." In Italian it is "Io ti amo." In French it is "Je t'aime."

4.189 million roses are sold in the US on Valentine's Day

5. A group of feminists began to celebrate an occasion called "Quirkyalone Day" as an alternative to Valentine's Day. It is geared toward people who "resist the tyranny of coupledom." The SAD or Single Awareness Day, on the other hand, aims to remind people that they do not need to be in a relationship to celebrate the 14th of February.

Romantic and/or Loving Quotes:

• “There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.” 
  ― Sarah Dessen
• “We’re all a little weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone 
  whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into 
  mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.” 
  ― Robert Fulghum
• “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.” 
  ― Alfred Tennyson
• “Come sleep with me: We won't make Love,Love will make us.” 
  ― Julio Cortázar
• "This time when we kiss, I feel it in the pit of my stomach, I feel it in my heart. And I realize love isn't about sex. It's about connection." 
  — Ellen Hopkins

Have a great Valentine's Day everyone! :D

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight (Book Review)

Who would have guessed that four minutes could change everything?
Today should be one of the worst days of seventeen-year-old Hadley Sullivan's life. She's stuck at JFK, late to her father's second wedding, which is taking place in London and involves a soon to be step-mother that Hadley's never even met. Then she meets the perfect boy in the airport's cramped waiting area. His name is Oliver, he's British, and he's in seat 18C. Hadley's in 18A. 
Twists of fate and quirks of timing play out in this thoughtful novel about family connections, second chances and first loves. Set over a 24-hour-period, Hadley and Oliver's story will make you believe that true love finds you when you're least expecting it.

I must admit, I was in the perfect frame of mind to read this. I had just finished reading the Fever series by Karen Marie Moning. That series I read in about a week and left me sort-of drained emotionally. I really just wanted an easy romance novel that wasn't complicated or hard to follow and just would make me feel all lovey-dovey inside. I found that in this novel.
In my head this book really played out as a movie of utter perfection. Although the novel only takes place within 24 hours, there were points where I felt that the relationship just wasn't moving fast enough between Hadley and Oliver. Throughout the entire book, I was rooting for them.
The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight isn't a complex romance. It's not meant to make you think hard about life and the universe. This book is perfect for anyone who just wants something to make them feel good. And it does have a good lesson or two in there. (Bonus points anyone?)
5 points out of 5 :)

On Deadlines.

So I would rather do this when I wasn't already posting something because I love to space my posts out but I feel like I must put it out there to make it official. I am going to have Doppled in Gray FINISHED by May31 if it is the last thing I do. I realize how crazy this sounds as I write this once I think about all the school things I have to do but I really don't care. I need to finish this darn thing so I can get to editing. In a perfect world I would have the novel done by the end of next month and then edit April and May but I realize that is not very likely. But I will try? Definitely, 1k a day can't kill me.
I think it's important to set deadlines with your writing because it really focuses you. I really do want to publish this novel but I cant do it if I keep putting it off. I also have another project (I've been planning and outlining for over a year)that I want to do this summer. I love the world that I have created but I really feel that it's getting to be time to move on.
How am I going to accomplish my goal? Schedule. I am a very unorganized person but if I want to get this done I wont be anymore.
I go to the library after school and usually just hang out with my friends. I can make that time productive by actually doing my homework AND writing while I'm there instead of playing around. I wont give up I wont back down. And as soon as this fist draft is done I WILL murder my darlings until its perfect :)

Inspirations of the week! (Feb6-12)

#1 Blackbird by the Beatles

Must I even have a reason?

#2 Life Experience
Thought I would just add this since it really did inspire me a bit.
Sometimes you believe you know people. You hear all about them and think you have them all figured out. That you know "their type." It's human nature to come to quick conclusions. It's a way of protecting ourselves. But once in awhile you have to communicate. Take in your surroundings, feel whats going on around you. Really try to get to understand yourself and people around you. It makes everything so much more clear. Sometimes you find the answers without asking the question. Sometimes you just have to listen. :)

#3 Star Wars quote

Like many other nerd brethren, I forced myself to see Star Wars: Episode one yesterday. And although I do have many problems with the newer Star Wars movie, I must admit that I have a good quote from Yoda that I just could not get out of my head.
"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Yes, I sense much fear in you."

Inspirations of the week! (Jan29-Feb4)

I've been having a rough week. Well make that a rough couple of months but I've promised myself to get back in the habit of writing because I realized how good it really is for me. Especially the Inspiration of the week. It helps me reflect :)
#1 Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night- A Poem by Dylan Thomas

My favorite stanza from this poem is:

"And you, my father, there on the sad height, 

Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray. 

Do not go gentle into that good night. 

Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

This poem has slowly began to mean a lot to me. It became my favorite a week or so ago when I first read the entire thing. I know that it's about always trying to fight death even when you know it's coming, but to me it also means living every moment to it's fullest because you can. 

#2 I Died in a Car Crash- Dance

This video should be self explanatory. It's so beautiful.  

#3 Youth by Daughter

I am an avid dubstep listener so I heard the remix of this song first, (Link: http://soundcloud.com/dubstep/youth-by-daughter-love-thy-brother-remix) but when I heard the begining of the song and it's beautiful lyrics I knew I had to hear the entirety of this song. And it is magical. I love it so much and the truth just rings in your ears because of it.

Only three for the week that just passed. I'll prob have more for this week :)

To better my writing skills....

For my own personal sanity and others I have decided to start writing again. Granted I still have a lot of school work and I will have a lot of tests coming up so I wont be blogging every day but I will try to blog as much as possible. Here are some of the things I will be doing from now on.
*Book Reviews: Every time I read a new book I will review it. I love reading so this will probably be something that happens a lot.
* Grammar Nazi stuff: I've been learning a LOT about Grampians lately so I thought it would be a good idea to share it with everybody.
*Complaining/gushing about being a writer: I do this a lot already and it is self explanatory.
*Inspiration: This will include photos, songs, quotes and just about anything I find inspiring to my writing or just my daily life. :D

I'll probably have more but that is all I can think about for now.
Until next time :)