Inspiration: Not the Usual This Week

I was going to post my normal pictures and music that inspired me this week but when thinking of inspiration two things stuck in my head and two things only. First was the song from the group piece that I am in. It is "Drumming Song" by Florence + The Machine, and I love it. It is at the top. But what I really wanted to write about was letting go. That was really what my week was about.

I'm a very bold person, and I never let anything try to stop me. In some ways, I think it's my best trait but sometimes it can be my worse. You see, I never can just let go. I'll believe in someone with all of my heart. I'll get attached, but life doesn't always go as planned and when there's problems I never can just let go. I'll keep pushing, keep hoping, keep praying, but sometimes all the action in the world wont help anything.

In January, I gave up. Second semester had just started and my life got turned completely upside down. There were tears, a lot of them, and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I had to get away, so I stopped trying. At everything. School. Writing. Cello. Friends. Relationships. Everything but Dance. I thought that by letting go everything might just fall into place. It didn't.

I now have bad grades, a novel that still isn't finished, very rusty skills at cello, less friends than I've ever had in my entire life, and I'm single. Am I angry at myself? Well, it's complicated.

I learned that when it comes to school, no matter how smart you are, you still have to work. I had always taken my work ethic for granted but now I value it. I also learned that cello isn't like riding a bike, you can't just relearn all your skills in a couple of minutes.

But on the other hand, I found that real friends are the ones that stay with you even when you have given up. Sometimes, after putting so much work into a relationship you have to step back and see if it can stand on its own. And taking a break from writing can occasionally be a good thing. It gives you a chance for a new perspective.

So letting go, not always the best. But do I regret it? Never.


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